you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
