you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
