PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
