Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
