I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
