Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
