I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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