Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
