The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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