it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
