She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i think i just lost a toe
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
