I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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