I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
