Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she smelled like a LAN party
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
