Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
