I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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