Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
