Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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