Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
