laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
