in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
