Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
