im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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