He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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