Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
