I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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