Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She told me I should be a condom model.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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