I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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