I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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