guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
