i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
