The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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