I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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