You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
