I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I smell like Dick and happiness
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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