i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
