I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
