I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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