Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
