apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
