too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
