last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
