Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
