There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
