My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
