He uses pillows to masturbate.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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