Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
