This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
