This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
