she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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