I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
