so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
