How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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